Crossfit Open 14.5: Any resemblance to burpees was merely coincidental

Well, it’s been a while since the Open finished (guess I’ll need to change the slogan for my blog now!!) and as great as it was, man, am I glad it’s over!

And let’s be honest, it finished with a bang.  14.5 was definitely the hardest,  most mentally difficult workout I have done since starting crossfit.  Just to refresh your memory – sorry to those of you who are still trying to forget – here is what 14.5 consisted of:


Looking at that, you are probably thinking to yourself, well that’s not so bad..where’s the time cap? That’s right, people, no time cap. If you were in the Open, you had to finish that sucker.  We’ll get to how I did in a minute, but I think we should take a minute to appreciate the genius of this programming.  I hated this workout with every fiber of my being, but I still recognize that it was a programming coup by Dave Castro.  He managed to surprise, stun and render the entire crossfit universe the exact opposite of speechless. No one I know who does Crossfit talked about anything else but 14.5 the day after it was announced.  We talked strategy, survival and questioned Dave Castro’s sanity….

Honestly, does this man look sane to you?!?

But we were hooked. He’d hooked us again.

But now, on to the workout.

Anyone who has met me, read this blog or seen my twitter feed (that’s right, I’m all hooked up, b*tches!) knows that I hate burpees more than anything.  I hate all bodyweight movements, but I especially hate burpees.  So the idea of an entire workout filled with burpees and thrusters did not fill me with excitement. I was pretty sure I was going to die/vomit/cry or all of the above.

I  practiced the wod the night before by doing a set of 21 thrusters and 21 burpees taking a break doing the of 18 taking another break and then doing the set of 15, just to get an idea of what the pain factor would be like.

It was going to be h*ll.

The only that saved me during this workout was that I could do step down, step up burpees.  Had I had to do regular burpees, I would still be in the gym finishing the workout.

So rather than tell you how I did physically – I wanted to die, pretty sure I lost a lung and the calluses on my hands are just healing now – I will break down the workout for you mentally.

I was targetting a under 35 min finish. Originally I had set the bar at 40 mins but realized I was just being a sissy.

Here we go – a mental journey through 14.5

Round of 21: “hmm, this feels alright, maybe I can do 3 sets of okay well let’s get this done in 4 sets..this weights not so bad…oh, burpees now, man, I hate burpees, what only 6? seriously? ok,ok don’t stop just keep moving through the burpees….” pant pant

Round of 18: “jeez, how many rounds of this to we have to do? this is going to be endless and I’m just starting, honestly it’s like being on a boat with  absolutely no land in sight…hmmm I’d like to be on a boat right now, rather than here, what the h*ll am I doing here…who does this to themselves…. okay, still going strong on the thrusters….that guy the other day said that the thrusters were the better part…I thought he was insane but he might be right, maybe I could just stay on this bar for the rest of the workout..what? oh right.. 18 burpees, man I hate this….”

Round of 15 – this is where it got dark, I can’t even tell you what I was thinking but I was very, very angry, at crossfit, at the judge, at G, and most especially at myself because I had chosen to take up this stupid hobby.  And no matter how many times I picked myself off the floor, I still had to jump over that ^%^%&&^*&*U*^^%$%$#% barbell!

Round of 12 – “Phew, okay Bea says it gets better from here…this isn’t better…I think my arm might fall off, gotta lock it out at the top…I think my right arm is longer than my left arm LOCK IT OUT G*D D*MMIT!!!! I think I’m wheezing, seriously, is that me making that noise..please let that be someone else..oh who cares…. okay, made it to the burpees, it’s only 12… 12 is still alot, will this thing never end? I’m going to quit, that’s it, I’m giving up, no one will judge me, this workout sucks…oh, only 5 left, okay well I’ll finish those.

Round of 9 – “Okay, almost at the end…actually no, there still 36 reps left to go…com’on man up! lift the bar..thank god I’ve been working on my thrusters, these would have killed me otherwise.. 9 burpees, if I never do another burpee in my life it will be do soon…how is everyone else doing, maybe I should look around, cheer them on…f*ck em, there on their own!! This is kill or be killed now…..

Round of 6 – I was just insane by this time, the only thing that kept me going here was the sound of Van the Great’s voice going “Down, Up, Over the Bar” over and over again.

Round of 3 – “I did it, I did it…wait, what do you mean I have  to actually do the reps? Okay, fine, I’ll finish it. 3 Thrusters unbroken, here we go…OMG this bar is heavy?!!! I hate burpees, I hate burpees, I hate burpees and JUMP!

I then took two steps and collapsed onto the ground attempting to keep my insides inside where they belonged.  When I returned to reality I realized I had collapsed in a patch of sun coming in through the window and was slowly being fried up like vampire on a bad day.  So I crawled along the ground into the shade and stayed there until the realization that I had actually not only finished 14.5 but also my first Crossfit Open kicked in!!

I did it. I completed my journey to the Crossfit Open.  I met my goals for the Open which was to do all the workouts and to not score a zero.  I even got a real live kipping pull-up..well 4 of them….

I will definitely do it again next year…see you there, Dave Castro, you evil genius.

One Response to “ Crossfit Open 14.5: Any resemblance to burpees was merely coincidental ”

  1. Chris says:

    Ahh! I both laughed and grimaced at your mental recap of 14.5! I was right there with you for a lot of those thoughts. The workout definitely went to a deep dark place around the 15 mark for me. I remember uttering the words “I can’t” or “I want to quit” but somehow kept going.

    But you did it! We did it! We made it through 14.5 and thus the Open! Congrats all around!

    Only one more thing to do now.. keep the momentum going! Keep it going with your CrossFit and especially keep it going here because I want to read more!

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