My life is changing, why isn’t my mind???

I used to put ice in my drinks, now I ice my hands. G and I used to come home from work and watch hours of TV, now we rush in, change our clothes and go torture ourselves (in a good way) at Crossfit 5x a week. I used to feel sore and lazy because I didn’t do any exercise – now I feel sore and lazy because I’ve done a lot of exercise.

What I’m trying to say is that life is different now. Crossfit has made life different. It has re-prioritized my life’s activities, focused my interests in a different direction and given me new goals to work towards. But it hasn’t managed to change the hang ups in my head.

Like probably a lot of women, and most likely men, I got into Crossfit wanting to lose weight. I was tired of feeling chubby and out of shape all the time. I had dreams of getting ripped and being able to rock a bikini down at the “beach”. At the time, I did not dream about being able to do a pull-up, or backsquatting my bodyweight, or 50 Double unders etc… I just dreamed about finally not being fat.

In a month, I will have been crossfitting for a year. I have made a lot of progress in that time. Compared to where I was when I started, I’m practically an olympic athlete (not really :) ). I’ve gotten a lot stronger. I still love Crossfit. But here’s where the mind part kicks in – I’m still not ripped, nor am I rocking a bikini at the “beach”.

For some reason, this last fact is what dominates my inside my head chats with myself. It negates all the other successes, all the other positive changes that I have made. These changes weren’t easy and I’ve stuck to them. But these life changes have been slow to show up in my physical appearance (or rather slower than I would like) and because of this, it’s like they don’t matter, or they don’t matter enough.

I’ve been having a hard time staying motivated to go to Crossfit, to eat Paleo, to run 2x a week, because it just doesn’t seem to be working. The number on the scale is the same as it was when I started a year ago; I still wouldn’t be comfortable in a bathing suit at the beach; and by noone’s standards would I be considered ripped.

Why must it always be all or nothing in my head? Why can’t I be happy with my progress and really understand that this is part of a longer journey that is simply taking longer than I thought it would. I’m trying to change the way I think about this, but it’s hard when I keep valueing the changes on the outside, more than those on the inside.

I don’t have a proposed solution for this – no Mind30 or Mind Unicorn – I don’t know how to change the way I think about this, I only know that I want to. And there was a time, not that long ago, when I didn’t know how to do a double under, and I wanted to – and now I can do 30 double unders. They took me a while to learn, so it stands to reason that learning how to change my mind, will also take some time.

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